Just my feelings

I think about what I feel like I'm in need of... A spouse or friend who has my back just as much as I have his. You see I am always the person who when dealing w/ someone I believe in having their back & not wanting anything in return... It has turned me into being that rock they can lean on but I am now in search for mines... I have never had a healthy relationship now that I think of it. I mean it's always the bare minimum because I have always been so independent that when I need them they can't handle it & next thing you know it's over & done .... Is it cause I just always really go to my family & friends? It makes me think I it something About me that makes me unable to be cared for in my time of need & I attract guys who just can't match me...