Monday, November 26, 2012

Thoughts for the night

As I sit here all I can think about is the feel of your kiss... The touch of your hand on mines...envisioning you sleeping to ease your mind as I rub my fingers through your hair... I embody the days we spend together... I yearn for the nights where I can get you to myself but only cause I miss the smell of hair & body... I miss laying under you our bodies touching as your hand touches mines & we fall asleep knowing that our love is true & all while knowing that you are mines & I am yours

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Just my feelings

I think about what I feel like I'm in need of... A spouse or friend who has my back just as much as I have his. You see I am always the person who when dealing w/ someone I believe in having their back & not wanting anything in return... It has turned me into being that rock they can lean on but I am now in search for mines... I have never had a healthy relationship now that I think of it. I mean it's always the bare minimum because I have always been so independent that when I need them they can't handle it & next thing you know it's over & done .... Is it cause I just always really go to my family & friends? It makes me think I it something About me that makes me unable to be cared for in my time of need & I attract guys who just can't match me...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Where has the loved gone?

What do you do when you can't seem to love anymore? When you lost all the fight you thought you had? When it seems that you have lost yourself as a person? ...... You have to get to the root of why? Why does it seem like when you had the love you were loving & giving but can't seem to be receiving the same back?

I think that's what hurt the most is that the love is being taken advantage of , . When your constantly being viewed as the giver & not receiver in it.... I just don't understand but all I can do is ask myself what to do???? Maybe I should just let go & let God... Remove myself emotionally & just show him that you're going to miss out on the love that was held genuinely in my heart...... But wait, is this even love that I have? Or is it the lust or the dream of having a relationship

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It seems like my life has been destined for bad luck...No matter how much I try to do the right thing nothing seems to go my way. I know what I have to do to get where I need to be but, this one problem seems to not want to go away no matter how hard I try. I am hurting dear lord please hear my prayers.........i give all my heart & soul over to you. My problems and drrams i'm putting them in your hands....release me from the hands if the devils and guide me into the right direction.

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its time to part ways

In the beginning it was all grand....talks all night, endless laughter...but somewhere down the road it became less about us and more about you.  I did my part in trying to be a good friend first. The tears roll down my face and I can't stop them from falling. But I know parting ways is for the best. I can admit that my feelings for you were true. But, i just don't believe its true for a me & you.....

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Friday, January 6, 2012


Anyone who knows me know that I always have a story to tell or something to laugh at.  But, lately I've been so silent that its making me scared.  I say this because once I'm fed up and overthinking the key to me fixing my issue is to disassociate myself and breakdown into this shell of mines.  My silence means that I am very upset, pissed, and angry.   Once I become silent then something is wrong and folks need to worry cause eventually alot of people will be dismissed and so far so good........

Rain doesn't last always and joy comes in the morning.

Feeling to nice

As I sit and pay attention to the past year of my life i realized that I am just to damn nice. I can say no but, I hate saying no. I believe that karma is real and that if I start being mean then nothing good will come out of anything. But, me saying yes 95% of the time ends up with me being unhappy and feeling used. Yes, I can say this about a few people. I have been their backbone, the one they can call for anything, the one who doesn't mind letting you use their car or sleeping on their couch. I sit around and would end up lonely and bored while they are driving around having a bunch of fun and not even attempting to try and make me smile. Well, I am tired. I have given so much of myself and I haven't received anything in return.  I have been used and abused ((not physically)) and verbally mistreated because of the fact that I am too nice. Its like people know how to use a guilty plea with me and that I will feel bad and I shouldn't. I am over making people happy and putting myself last. Its time for me to do what's best for me.